Im Surviving

sur·vive
sərˈvīv/
verb
gerund or present participle: surviving
  1. continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship.

I haven’t been able to write since everything happened. It’s been hard to put words on paper. It’s like I’ve lost my voice. I’m not even sure still what I want to say or do. I know that I’m making it through each day, somehow, I’m surviving. I’m taking it one day at a time. I’m not sure how I’m truly feeling or if I’m coping or just doing enough to get me through the day. I’m stuck. The first month I kept thinking I was waking up to a bad dream. I’ve accepted it lately though, and just coping with the realization, I’m getting back into my daily routine and getting my smile back. I’m trying out hot yoga with other different things lined up to try, I’m working on me.

We celebrated her birthday 13 days later. It was a celebration of life, and next year we will do the same, but in a bigger way. She deserves it and so much more.

I’m grateful that she is no longer in pain and grateful for everyday I wake up. I’m grateful for my family and friends that are like family. I’m grateful for my friends that keep me going.

Life is changing. Life has to move on. I have to survive, we all have to survive. It’s still hard every day to accept. It still hits me every day.  I know it’s going to take time for it to get easier. But I can be happy on the fact that it won’t get harder than that first week. Or that last month. Or that last day. I can work on looking forward and taking it day by day.

It’s different. It’s truly different with everything. So many things will never be the same. I could make a list of all the many things but I want to keep that personal.

Life goes on. Every single day. I just wake up, meditate and say what I’m grateful for. Life goes on. I’m surviving.

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